Sentinel-Times Laugh Lines

I think Mr. Fred down on the Gulf Coast was having a bit of fun at my expense.

Feel free to change the profession at the end to one of your choice.

Four older men are walking down a street. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar—ALL drinks 10 cents.”

They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, “Come on in, and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, gentlemen?”

There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.

In no time, the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred, and says, “That’s 10 cents each, please.”

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, “That’s 40 cents, please.”

They pay, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They’ve each had two martinis and haven’t even spent a dollar total yet.

Finally, one of them says, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?”

“I’m a retired tech entrepreneur from Silicon Valley,” the bartender says, “I sold my startup for a bundle, and I always wanted to own a bar. I decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer, it’s all the same.”

“Wow! That’s some story!” one of the men says. As the four of them sip their martinis, they can’t help noticing seven gruff old guys at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they’ve been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, “What’s with them?”

The bartender says, “They’re retired newspapermen. They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.”

Mr. Anonymous wants to stay that way because this one is a tiny bit racy, but darn funny.

A crusty old sergeant major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college, which dragged on into the evening.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

She said, “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?” “Negative, ma’am,” the sergeant major said, “Just serious by nature.”

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”

The sergeant major’s short reply was, “Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.”

The sergeant major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally, the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?”

The sergeant major looked at her and replied, “2020.”

She said, “Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 2020! Isn’t that a little extreme?'

The sergeant major, glancing at his watch, said, in his matter-of-fact voice, “You think so? It’s only 2130 now.”