Sauna Tech Showdown

A Sentinel-Times subscriber sent us the following…

Three women—two younger and one senior citizen—were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly, a beeping sound started. The young woman pressed her forearm, and the beeping stopped.

The others looked at her questioningly, “That was my pager,” she said. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, “That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.”

The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The older woman finally said…”Well, will you look at that…I’m getting a FAX!!”

Dad Jokes

Mr. Fred, the guy who helps New Orleans keep holding onto the title of party capital of the Gulf Coast, loves dad jokes.

– Did you hear about the guy who was addicted to the hokey pokey? He turned himself around.

– Did you hear about the guy who’s afraid of escalators?

He takes steps to

avoid them.

– I put my old car in reverse and thought, “Wow, this really takes me back.”

– I told my mom I’d call her later, but she said she prefers “Mom.”

– I was going to tell a sodium joke; then I thought, “Na.”

– I told a bad chemistry joke once. I got no reaction.

– I adopted a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as I brought him home, he bolted for the door.

– I’ve never been a fan of facial hair. But it’s starting to grow on me.

– Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. His summer wasn’t too bad either.

– I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.

– Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.

– Have you heard about the bossy man at the bar, who ordered everyone around?

– Never trust atoms because they make up everything.

– Which month has 28 days? All of them.

– My boss told me to have a good day. So I didn’t go to work.

– Once, I read a book about glue. I couldn’t put it down.

– Dogs can’t operate MRI machines—but cats can.

– Never use a dull pencil. It’s pointless.

– Our vacuum cleaner is getting old. It’s just gathering dust.

– I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

– It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

– The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

That’s Funny

These came in over the transom.

• The other day, I was in a supermarket, and the old lady in front of me was three bucks short of the money she needed to pay her $11.54 bill.

Knowing I’d have liked some Good Samaritan to help my own mother if she were in similar straits, I took pity on the old dear and decided to help her out.

No biggie really. We had the extra $3.30 worth of goods she couldn’t afford back on the shelves in just a couple of minutes.

• A drunk guy comes home late one night...

His wife asks, “Where were you?”

He replies, “At the cemetery.”

“Oh, really, huh, who died?” She questioned.

“Everybody,” he says.

Polar Bear Questions It looks like Mrs. Anonymous has been learning a lot about polar bears.

– A young polar bear is wandering around the iceberg, and he sees his grandfather. He asks him, “Grandpa, am I all polar bear? Do I have any other type of bear in me, like a black bear?”

Grandpa Polar Bear responds, “No, grandson, you’re a polar bear.”

The young bear is wandering some more and sees his uncle. “Uncle, am I totally a polar bear? Do I have any brown bear in me?”

His uncle responds, “No, you’re all polar bear.”

Seemingly confused, the young polar bear sees his father a little ways ahead. “Dad, am I totally polar bear? Is there any panda bear in me?”

The father responds, “No, son, you’re 100% polar bear. Why do you ask?”

The young polar bear responds, “Because I’m so dang cold!”

– A polar bear is talking to his dad.

“Dad, why do I have white fur?”

“Son, that’s so you can blend in with the snowy background of the Arctic when hunting your prey.”

“Ok. But, Dad, why do I have big paws?”

“That’s so that, when you are hunting your prey, you can knock them out quickly, so they don’t escape into an Arctic blizzard.”

“Ok. But, Dad, why do I have large claws and sharp teeth?”

“That’s so you can quickly kill and eat your prey when you catch it -you need the energy in the Arctic since it is so cold.”

“Ok. But, Dad, why do I have such a big layer of fat and thick fur?”

“That’s because the Arctic is so cold-you have to protect yourself from the biting wind and sub-zero temperatures.”

“Ok. So, what the heck am I doing in the New York City Zoo?” Cops On The Job

• All the toilets were stolen from the police station. The police have nothing to go on.

• The wheels were stolen from all the police cars. The police are working tirelessly to find them.

• All the K9 squad equipment was stolen. The police have no leads.

• Someone drilled a hole in the wall around the nudist colony. The police are looking into it.

• A thousand wigs were stolen from a shop. Police are combing the area.

• Police found 12 bottles of whiskey in a cardboard box. They don’t know who the owner is but are getting to the bottom of the case.

• A couple of thieves were arrested for stealing a calendar. They each got six months.

• The cops arrested a dwarf fortune teller. Last night, he escaped. Now, they are searching for a small medium at large.

Buck Always Said

Figures never lie, but liars can figure.

LET US HEAR FROM YOU Submit your observations or jokes to: sentineltimesnews@ gmail.com or mail them to this publication at Sentinel-Times, 414 Main Street, Stockton, KS 67669..