Sentinel-Times Laugh Lines
A weekly reader sent in the following joke, just in time for the big game: the Super Bowl.
A man arrived at the Super Bowl and was unhappy with his seat, which was very high above the field and the view was blocked in certain areas by poles or other obstacles. When the game started, he noticed there was an empty seat in a perfect location. He made his way down and asked the elderly man beside the empty seat if anyone was sitting there. The man said no, it belongs to me, but you may sit there. After taking the vacant seat, the man asked the kind donor why he had an empty seat for the Super Bowl. He said he purchased two seats very early, but his wife died and thus he had the extra seat. The new occupant expressed his sympathy and asked if he didn’t have any friends who could have used the vacant seat. The response, “No, they’re all at the funeral.”
One day, a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the professor asked all the students to put their pens down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furiously, although he was warned that, if he did not stop immediately, he would be disqualified.
He ignored the warning, finished the test 10 minutes later, and went to hand the test to his instructor.
The instructor told him he would not accept the test.
The student asked, “Wait, don’t you know who I am?”
The prof said, “No, and I don’t care.”
The student asked again, “Are you sure you don’t know who I am?”
The prof again said no. So, the student walked over to the pile of tests, placed his in the middle, then threw the papers in the air.
“Good,” the student said, and walked out. He passed.
•
The boys rest room at school was covered in graffiti written on the walls. It was very bad, and nobody could catch the perpetrator.
Finally, one day, the principal walked in and caught the English teacher snapping the cap back on a marker as the teacher stepped out of a stall.
The principal went ballistic. “How could you be so juvenile to write all over the walls and let the students take the blame?” he raged.
“Whoa, hang on a minute,” said the teacher. “All I was doing was correcting the grammar.”
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“Dad, I don't want to go to school today,” said the boy.
“Why not, son?,” the father asked.
“Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then, three days ago, one of the pigs died, and we had roast pork the next day.”
“That’s weird,” the dad said, “but why don’t you want to go today?”
“Because our classroom hamster, Cuddles, died yesterday!”
•
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on a man’s peach tree for two years in a row.
This spring, he was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and moved the tree into the garage whenever the temperature dropped.
One warm April day, the man was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and he stopped to give his dog a drink from the garden hose.
A neighbor watched the scene with amusement. “Bob,” he finally commented, “you’re the only man I know who walks his tree and waters his dog.”
Do you have some funny (printable) jokes you’d like to share with our Sentinel- Times readers? Email us at sentineltimesnews@gmail.com