Where Rooks County Shares A Good Laugh

Crafty

A very well-to-do gentleman walks into a ratty, down-at-heels pawn shop in a back alley somewhere in London.

“Good Morning, my man; can you lend me 100 pounds against my vintage Rolls-Royce? I’ll be able to pay you back in about a month.”

“What?” said the pawnbroker. “100 pounds for a month? Sure, no problem, but it’ll cost yer 125 to get it back.”

“That’s fine, my good fellow,” said the well-to-do gentleman.

He accepts the cash, folds it into his wallet, and makes to leave. Before he does, he turns and says that the owner had better look after the car, or there would be big trouble.

Fearing repercussions, the shopkeeper parks the car in a garage, covers it, triple-locks the place, and employs his son to watch over the vehicle.

One month later, the gentleman returns, claims his car, inspects it, hands over the 125 pounds, and leaves.

A few weeks later, he returns. Same story. 100 pounds for the car for one month, but it had better be looked after carefully.

One month later, he walks in and pays the 125 pounds required to get the car back, and leaves.

This happens several times throughout the year. Being inquisitive, the old shopkeeper decides he has to know what’s going on.

The next time the gent shows up, after doing their business, he plucks up the courage to ask.

“Excuse me, but I’ve got to know,” said the pawnbroker. “How come you only ask for 100 pounds each time when it’s clear that you really don’t need the cash?”

The gent turns, smiles, and says, “That’s true, but where else in London can one park a Rolls for a month for 125 pounds?”

How we age

These came in over the transom.

– Old academics never die; they just lose their faculties.

– Old accountants never die; they just lose their balance.

– Old computer programmers never die; they just get deleted.

– Old actors never die; they just drop a part.

– Old alcoholics/drug addicts never die; they just get wasted.

– Old anthropologists never die; they just become history.

– Old archers never die; they just bow and quiver.

– Old architects never die; they just lose their structure.

– Old bankers never die; they just lose interest.

– Also, old bankers never die; they just want to be a loan.

– Old baseball players never die; they go batty.

Heard in church

These things you never hear in church also came in over the transom: – Hey. It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.

– I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes longer than normal.

– Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

– I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to spend on entertainment.

– I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the junior high Sunday School class.

– Since we are all here, let’s start the service early.

– Pastor, we would like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.

– Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign.

Puns

You either love or loathe puns. We’re not sure about Mr. Anonymous’ stance, but he sent these along anyway.

– A man’s home is his castle, in a manner of speaking.

– A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.

– Practice safe eating; always use condiments.

– I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.